Step Into My Sessions — Learning Self-Advocacy Takes Years: What Our Young Adults Teach Us

Getting the job was hard enough - knowing what to say next can be even harder.

Self-advocacy doesn’t develop all at once.

It takes shape over time, across many experiences—especially the hard ones. Often, it’s not until we see our young adults navigating real-world situations that we fully appreciate how complex this skill is. It calls for self-awareness, emotional regulation, and the ability to say something that can feel vulnerable: this is hard for me.

Developing Self-Advocacy

I’m thinking of a student who, after a year of hard work, secured a job at a large chain household store. 🏬 He showed up on time every day, was conscientious, and once he understood expectations, he was a careful and reliable employee. He was doing well. And he was happy and proud. 😊

🏷️💲 Then management offered him cashier training. They saw it as a “natural” step up.

When he told me about it, I felt worried. I know the limits of his math skills, and cashiering can be a fast-paced, high-pressure role. There would be loyalty numbers to put in, LOTS of very small kitchen goods and decorations, etc. 🍴🔪🎍

I gently suggested that he speak with the manager he felt most comfortable with and share his concerns.

He, too, had some worries—but he also wanted to “give it a try.” He practiced with his dad, and I continued to offer gentle reminders about how demanding cashiering can be.

Practicing Vulnerability

What he wasn’t quite able to do in that moment was advocate clearly for himself. He wasn’t able to say,

📢 “I’m not comfortable with this,” or

📢 "I think this might be too hard for me.”

He definitely did NOT ❌ want me to intervene in any way, not with his parents, and not with the manager. All understandable.

It’s so difficult to speak up, especially when it’s important, and we haven’t had much practice in the moment. This student had learned to a bit about advocating for his accommodations in college, but this was a totally different context.

Cashier training began, and it didn’t go well. Management became frustrated. Their responses were not particularly kind or supportive. And ultimately, he was abruptly let go. 😔

Now that he’s looking for another job, we’ve had some really meaningful conversations. 💬

We’ve talked about his strengths, what made him successful in his previous role, and what he learned from this experience. 💪 👉 Part of his growth has been recognizing that it’s important to talk openly with employers about what he can and can’t do.

Finding Your Truth

He’s also been reflecting on something deeper—how admitting challenges makes him feel embarrassed, and how hard it is to let go of some of his expectations about adulthood. As he works through this, he’s beginning to find his way, re-evaluating his plans so they feel more grounded in his own truth. 😌

And perhaps that’s the most important learning of all.

He’s starting to name his feelings, sit with them, and understand how they show up—not just when he needs to speak up, but as he rethinks what feels realistic and right for him moving forward.

👉 This is where self-advocacy becomes so complex—and so essential.

It’s not just about knowing what to say. It’s about understanding yourself, tolerating uncomfortable feelings, and finding a way to express something that can feel vulnerable. These are not easy skills. But they are critical. Not just for work, but, more broadly, for navigating life.

💡 Self-advocacy may be one of the most critically important life skills we support. These are the moments we are preparing our students for—even, or perhaps especially, our younger students. The task is monumental, but it begins in small, supported steps.

Reflective moment

As you think about the year ahead, how can you intentionally build in opportunities for students to practice self-advocacy—knowing how complex and important this work is?
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Enjoy these dog days of summer! 🌞